he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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