Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
