oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
