Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
