can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
pray to the hookup gods
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
