You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
