My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
