New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
