Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
