a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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