Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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