Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
