Plan B is the new Plan A
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
