He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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