So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
