this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
