Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
