I got chris browned last night
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
