This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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