i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i drank out of a bidet.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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