Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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