Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
