I'm going to jail i love you
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
