john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
mondays should just be called national damage control day
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
