dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
