Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
