Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
