My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
