just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
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