I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
