she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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