his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
