Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
