can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
