dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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