Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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