I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
