I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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