We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
