And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
