it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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