so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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