***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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