K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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