I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
