So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
