I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My breasts were aching with rage.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
