As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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