Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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