I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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