Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
