I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
