I'm so fucking centered right now
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
