I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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